I Plead Baked: The 5 Hardest Questions We’ve Ever Answered

If you were a potato, how would you be cooked?

Baked… I’m not sure why it took us so long to think of that answer, but the reason is in there somewhere.

Is this your baggie?

For the official record, Your Honor, it was not mine. I had never seen that baggie before in my life. That must have been planted on me by persons of nefarious intentions. People looking to escape the consequences of their own degenerate actions by using me as a mule for their Jazz Lettuce. I’ve been framed, Your Honor… Now, is there any way that I can get it back?

Where is my phone?

Oh, come on. We’ve all been there… But, seriously, have you seen it?

Why do we dream?

I believe that this originated with people in Pittsburgh, when they found themselves trying to imagine themselves anywhere other than Pittsburgh every night. Or maybe I’m thinking of Texas? I can’t remember exactly, being that I’ve erased both places from my memory through a series of intense therapeutic reprogramming sessions.

Ummmm, no.